Highway robbery

So a few weeks ago it dawned on me that I’m six weeks out from an international trip and my passport is still in my maiden name. Now you would think that after a year and a half of marriage I would have thought about this at least once. And if I’d even thought about it, I could have bought the plane tickets in my maiden name, and all would have been well (the ticket simply has to match the name on the passport). But no. I did not think of it in time. So I called the Department of State to find out what my options were, and there is apparently no fee for an amended passport, and it only takes 6-8 weeks. Big whew! I even told the representative my dates of travel, since it would be cutting it close, and she assured me that the 6-8 week figure is an estimate, and that if I wrote down my dates of travel I should receive the passport back by then. So far so good.

Last week I still hadn’t heard anything, so, getting a little nervous, I called the Department of State to check on the status. ‘Oh,’ the customer service representative said brightly, ‘that’s scheduled to be mailed back to you on the 18th of March.’

‘I am leaving on the 19th of March,’ I explained. ‘I need it sooner than that. I even called several weeks ago to verify that it wouldn’t take the whole eight weeks to get the passport back. They said to write down the dates of travel on my request and it shouldn’t be a problem.’

‘Well, our website clearly states that you need to allow up to eight weeks for your passport to be returned to you. So it’s been scheduled for processing and return on the 18th of March. I would be happy to take your credit card over the phone if you want to apply for the expedited service.’

Several things instantly occurred to me:

- I called several weeks ago to verify that I was in plenty of time NOT to have to pay for expedited service.
- March 18th is actually not precisely the right number of business days to allow. Did my writing my date of travel on my request give you the weapon you needed to decide when to schedule my passport return?
- I can understand being busy and all that, but what is so hard about putting a stamp in the back of a passport to amend it? How much of a backlog can you have to make it take that long AND how disorganised can you be to allow that margin of time, if you’re so well organised that you can track it in the system and if I pay you the fee right now, you can immediately locate it, process it, and return it to me, no questions asked?
- Where in the private sector would your respect for your clients be so low that you as good as tell them, ‘Someone in charge set an absolute outer limit on our slovenliness and low standards of customer service, and by gum, we’re going to take every excuse to use that to our advantage!’ ???
- This is highway robbery.

But instead of saying any of it I gave them my credit card number over the phone and politely requested the expedited service. What else could I do? They held all the cards. They had the monopoly. Within three days I received my passport back, duly stamped and updated. Isn’t our federal government a marvel of efficiency and service?