Time to face the music

Last night Michael explained to me all sorts of interesting things about close order drill. Many of the rules and regulations were invented for Boot Camp only and have no use beyond, but were branded so deeply into the brains of the young recruits that he remembers it all to this day.

For instance, when the drill instructor wants to get your visual attention, he may call out, 'Eyes!' Then all the recruits have to say, 'Click, Sir!' Or, if he wants them to listen particularly, he may holler, 'Ears!' All the recruits must reply enthusiastically, 'Snap, Sir!'

All discussion must be done in third person - no first or second person talk aloud. A request to address the drill instructor must be made using titles and names; for example: 'Sir, Recruit Focht requests permission to speak to the Drill Instructor, Staff Sergeant Smith, Sir!'

Colours is played twice a day, at 8 a.m. and at sundown. No matter where you are or what you are doing, you must stop what you are doing and salute the flag while the music plays. If you cannot see the flag from where you are, then you face in the direction of the music.

During boot camp, permission must be asked for everything, including permission to go to the bathroom. 'Sir, Recruit Focht requests permission to make a head call, Sir!' This is clearly why, aside from any philosophical issues I might have with it, the military life is not for me, who can barely muster up the bluntness to ask where the bathroom is in a strange house and would rather go blundering about looking for it than risk broaching such a delicate topic. Michael thinks this is very funny. I think it is less than funny to have bathrooms with no doors on the stalls and group head calls with three to a urinal.

Me: Was that awkward at all?
Michael: Nah, you get used to it.
Me: But was it awkward at first?
Michael: I don't remember.

Apparently guys don't mind this sort of thing as much.