Three years ago today was the happiest day of our lives, as of then. And the intervening years, swiftly though they have flown by, have only gotten better. Why do I love being married to Michael so much? Let me count the ways:
- Every so often he will remark, 'We haven't seen Pride and Prejudice in a while. It's about time to watch it again, isn't it?'
- I love to watch him play with Jane. She absolutely adores her Papa, and for good reason.
- He is always willing to help with the dishes if I had a long day.
- He always compliments my cooking and is impressed with the littlest things, such as homemade piecrust.
- He takes pride in ownership and maintains the house and lawn well, without making it an idol.
Oh, and speaking of P&P, on Monday night we watched Sense & Sensibility and I remembered having seen it first when it came out ten years ago, at which time I distinctly recall identifying more with Marianne. I didn't quite approve of the indecorous excesses of her behaviour, but I certainly sympathised with her passion for books and reading, romantic fancies, and volatile temperament. As we watched the scene of her meeting with Willoughby and her almost-swoon upon discovering that he reads and glibly recites Shakespeare sonnets too, I realised that my notions of felicity in marriage have changed drastically since that time. Ten years ago I probably would have placed a lot more weight on the discovery of shared interests, which after all is nothing but a happy coincidence. By far the most important element is the character; the personality is just frills.
When Michael and I first met and struck up correspondence, we established an easy rapport by email because we had read many of the same books and recognised each other's quotes and nonsense. (Gandalf: 'Think of the riddles they both knew, for instance.') But that has very little to do with the basis for our relationship. In our marriage, we don't spend a whole lot of time sitting around going off on quoting sprees. It's nice to have common interests, but those can grow over time, and indeed we have each been responsible for introducing the other to a lot of new horizons. How silly it would have been for Michael to have been waiting all those years for a girl who liked sushi! How silly it would have been for me to have put 'Has read Emma' on my List. In the end, it is far more significant that I married a man of good character who is deferent enough to learn to appreciate my tastes than it would have been to have snagged a guy who just happened to like the same things that, at that time in my life, were top of my list.
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3 comments:
I remember being told so many times to make a list of qualities I wanted in the man I would marry and pray about them. (I was never very good at that.) While I see merit in this approach, I think it is so easy to get caught up in triviality and miss the big picture. God knew what I needed and as a married woman, I often find I am benefitting from characteristics I would never have thought of or considered very important. I'm not sure how people do it without God; He is what makes marriage what it is. -rlr
There is much in what you say. Many of the things we thought were Important Common Interests have completely fallen by the wayside since we married; while other things we didn't know were common interests have become central.
On the other hand, a certain likeness of mind that runs deeper than all that is helpful. It didn't bother me to marry a man who had never seen The Princess Bride and never read Lord of the Rings, but I would be pretty miserable if I were married to someone who thought they were stupid, even if his character was sterling.
Congratulations! And yay for husbands who play with kids and do the dishes!
I did make a "husband list," with qualities I knew I needed. It was dismaying when Darren first wrote, and I realized he fit the list better than anyone else I knew (I didn't want him to fit the list at that time). But it did help clarify what I was looking for. And then I got a whole lot more than I thought to ask for.
I vaguely remember, Rose, some arguments between us (imagine that!) about Elinor vs. Marianne. I identified with Elinor at the time. Years later, I think she ought to let her emotions run a little freer.
-- SJ
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