Jaws

Jane's new favourite book is The Nutcracker. It's a beautifully illustrated children's book, with a marvelous retelling of the classic story. But even more marvelous is Michael's rendition, which I had the treat of listening to the other night as he read to her before bedtime. I sat nearby holding Ella and constantly dissolving into giggles at his reading.

'All the children loved Herr Drosselmeyer. Why, you ask? Because he had such a funny first name...

'"No, Fritz, no!" Clara cried, running after him, so she could beat him into a bloody pulp...

'The nutcracker crashed to the floor and broke into a million and one pieces. Sadly Clara picked up the million and one pieces and showed them to Herr Drosselmeyer. "Why, Clara," he said, quickly hiding the million pieces behind his back and tying his handkerchief around the jaw, "many good soldiers get wounded in battle..." And he handed the jaw back to Clara...

'Later that night Clara woke up and saw that tremendous mice were fighting with the jaw. "Leave him alone!" she cried, pulling on the tail of the largest mouse, who ran off frightened, because apparently it was more frightened of having its tail pulled than of being skewered by the jaw's sword...

'"Thank you for your help," said the prince, picking up the crown which had fallen from the mouse's head and placing it upon Clara's head. Now would you like to wear a crown that had just been on the head of a tremendous mouse? No. So be glad you don't live in Germany. "I would like to take you back to the Land of Sweets so all my friends can hear about how I had to be rescued by a girl...."

'When the prince and Clara arrived, he told his friends all about what a schlub he was...

'And then he called for his sleigh, which was drawn by two reindeer. Why, you ask? Because they were the best artists in the kingdom...'