Marriage Q&A

So last Sunday in class we all answered a questionnaire in anticipation of a marriage panel of experienced married couples who will give advice and answer questions in a couple of weeks. We were supposed to fill them out anonymously, and I decided that we needed at least four sheets between the two of us: one for me to fill out secretly, one for him to fill out secretly, one for us to fill out together and mull over, and one for me to fill out flippantly with goofy answers. I didn't mean to peek at his sheet, but in handing the baby over I couldn't help noticing that on the first section, where we had to rate our marriage on a scale, Michael had filled in B for the first line, Communication.

Now, this shouldn't be surprising, since Michael is a perfectionist and his reasoning includes the fact that if C is considered average, B is better than average and therefore to be desired, as well as the fact that answering A is dangerous because it implies that there is no possible room for improvement. Plus his temperament calls for thoughtful, well-reasoned accuracy rather than grand sweeping bombastical eloquence. Now I would put down an A as an expression of my overwhelming enthusiasm, since you can't possibly apply the bell curve to relationships, as you do in scoring ice skating. In fact, in this context I would probably prefer a much broader scale of measurement, such as a scale of 1 to 10, so I could go off the charts with an unexpected 15 here and there, or even a million (and you would think that, with my math/verbal dichotomy, I'd prefer the traditional letter grade system!) So I understand completely why Michael might put down a B, and in all seriousness and sincerity mean it as a genuinely pleased account of the state of our marriage. To him, there is nothing ho-hum about a B. Nevertheless, this came up later in the day (yes, at the end of that awful day, when the guests had left, the baby was asleep, the dishes were done, and all was well with the world once again).

Me: So, I noticed that you gave me a B in Communication.
Michael: I wasn't grading you. The question asked me to rate our marriage. I was evaluating myself as well.
Me: Oh. (Pause.) So what's wrong with our Communication?
Michael: Rose, you know that saying we have an A in Communication means that there is no further room for improvement. Now I am prepared to state that our level of communication is better now than it has ever been yet, but that doesn't mean that I want it to stagnate right here.
Me: Oh. (Pause.) It was the song this morning, wasn't it?

(Explanatory note: On the drive to church that morning, Michael had quietly begun to hum a tune. It seemed rather aimless, as I continued to point out billboards and make words out of license plates right through the humming, but at one point it almost sounded familiar so I asked him what it was. He didn't answer but continued to hum, so I assumed he 1) didn't know 2) didn't care 3) wanted to fiendishly torment me. So I started loudly singing my own song. Attempts at conversation after that rather fell flat. It turned out it was a tune that he played for me on our honeymoon, and while he hadn't noticed he was humming it at first, once I pointed it out he wanted to see whether I would recognise it. And I, instead of picking up on the romantic and sentimental mood, went off on a short-attention-span I-can-be-independent-and-tough-like-Dr.-Dobson-says raucous singing jag, which was rather laughable once we sorted it all out, which we always do because misunderstandings in our marriage always stem from just that - misunderstandings, premised on different ways of expressing ourselves - and not from malice aforethought. Problem solved before it can begin to simmer and erode our marriage. Or so I thought. I never thought problems would simmer and pop up to haunt us on marriage questionnaires.)

Michael: What? Oh, no, that had nothing to do with it. I just thought that, to be completely honest, we should always allow for room for improvement.
Me: Is there something I should be doing to listen better? I wish you would tell me these things instead of letting them fester and putting them down on marriage questionnaires.
Michael: Oh, boy. Guess who just dropped to a B- on Openness to Criticism.

Proving once again that he is my match - nay, my superior - in arguments, in character, and in deftness of humour. What did I ever do to deserve such a man?