Goals 2007

Now you know (probably, because I think I've mentioned it on previous January posts) that I don't do New Year's resolutions (other than goofy ones that I was going to do anyway, like 'I'm going to lose 25 lbs. by the first quarter of the year!') but the turning of the calendar always makes me nostalgic and contemplative, and this year I fell to musing on goals and the way I approach them.

What brought this about is the curious feeling of non-stress that seems to have fallen over me upon embarking on the New Year. For some reason I've felt laid back, content, and completely not worried about a thing for the past week and a half or so. It seems that our calendar is pretty clear for the near future, after a seemingly interminable run of bouts with sickness, travel plans, houseguests, parties, and the like, so that's definitely a factor. But even in the day-to-day minutiae, once we got past the relaxing holidays, I found myself chilling out on a far grander scale than I can recall doing in recent history.

For instance, we hosted our Sunday school Christmas party on Saturday, which was a lot of fun and didn't feel stressful a bit to prepare for, even with Michael having to go in to work most of the day and me doing all the preparations solo. I had gotten quantities of marked-down paper goods in my post-Christmas shopping, so we didn't have many dishes to deal with, but there were quite a few pots and pans. These I set to soak and didn't feel compelled to scrub them out for two days, making the next day (Sunday) truly a day of rest because I wasn't racing around madly trying to clean up the kitchen. Usually it is difficult for me to relax if I am conscious of work undone, which has hijacked a quiet evening or two when Michael is ready to sit down with milk and cookies and watch a movie and I am still too focused on putting away laundry to sit still.

Why then would the laundry or dishes intrude on family time? Because I didn't get to it during the day, being too busy racing around with other points on my agenda such as running long errands (to get the best shopping bargains), baking cinnamon rolls (for Michael's breakfasts, so he doesn't have to eat cold cereal), chopping vegetables for supper (because of course it's cheaper and more nutritious to do it all from scratch), etc.

Now these are all good things and they are certainly done for the benefit of the family, but it occurred to me that I am really the impetus for all this frantic pace. Michael certainly appreciates how I stay on a budget and likes having home-cooked food around, but he is not imposing on me the details of how I run our household. In fact, it occurred to me that most of the time, it is more important to me than to him.

This is not to say that I should completely chill out and let things go to seed around here in an attempt to relax and focus solely on being a happy wife. Happiness should also come about from the satisfaction of honest industry. But the pots and pans that I left in the sink overnight did not disrupt my general feeling of well-being; at least they were stacked neatly, they were out of the way, they did not make the kitchen look cluttered, and I didn't use the slight mess as an excuse to let more mess pile up in the meantime. Therefore that was a successful incidence of a calculated deferred work plan.

I need wisdom to discern what the true benefit of any effort on my part will be, and to whom. I don't want to knock myself out to do something I think would be nice for someone, only to feel resentful and deflated when they don't appreciate it quite as much as I think the effort I put into it warranted, which should only prove to me that my motivation wasn't quite as genuine and good-hearted as I thought it was.

Of course, I'm not going to measure everything exclusively by the yardstick of quo bono - or rather, I'm not necessarily going to order my life accordingly. Some things may not matter to Michael as much but if I have a strong personal stake in it, then I may go ahead anyway. Dashing across town to get a free milkshake is just too fun to pass up, as long as I realise that I'm getting more mileage out of it than Michael.

(I toss that last paragraph in because I recently read a review of a new book that apparently claims that the secret to a happy marriage is basically for the wife to realise that her sole end in life is to be the helpmeet to her husband, and while I agree that the wife was designed to support and encourage and be the helpmeet to her husband, I don't believe that that means that every decision must personally advance the career, mental health, and personal satisfaction of the husband exclusively. Maybe that's not what the book was suggesting. But I've run across that school of thought before and I writhe when I hear it. The secret of a happy marriage, among other things, involves both parties being mature enough to defer and sacrifice when matters of personal interest conflict. The mainstream culture's pop psychology approach of negotiating 50-50 and making deals and bargains, and the extremely conservative approach of insisting that the wife's wishes and interests must always give way to the husband's because she is to submit, are both flawed, in my opinion. But I digress.)

So my goal for 2007 is to evaluate my daily goals and determine whose agenda I am pursuing. I hope this will help me streamline my daily to-do list and enable me to accomplish the truly important things without letting the house fall apart. I'll keep you posted - or maybe not, depending on where blogging ends up on the new spectrum. =)