Up until three years ago this week, when I was still happily single and Michael and I had never even met, I knew all about God's love in a theoretical sense. I believed in it, knew I was the recipient of it, and tried to show it in my daily walk. But God, in His infinite wisdom, knew what a tangible learner I was and went one step farther. He gave me a hands-on experience of it.
I think one of the most incredible things about marriage and parenting is what an amazing image each one is, in its own way, of God's perfect love for us, using imperfect humans in the most profound object lesson.
There is simply no better way I could see Christ's love for me brought to life in a more tangible way than to see it acted out before my very eyes in the way that Michael loves me. I did not choose him; he chose me, he pursued me, he expended time and resources just to build a relationship with me because he wanted to know me better. While I was still uncertain of my feelings toward him, he risked the consequences and without giving thought to the cost to himself he committed himself to going out on a limb in the hopes that I would accept his love. I didn't even know at the time what a great guy he was, yet now the more time I spend with him, the more I marvel that he chose me and the more humbled I am at how much he put forth just to win me so we could be together the rest of our lives.
Sometimes if I am tempted to think that my life is too perfect and our marriage, fairy-tale as it seems, is too good to be true, I stop and wonder in awe (and what a tragedy, by the way, that 'awe' doesn't come in active verb form!) at the fact that, yes, it is too good to be true, but that's only because God is so good! If I think marriage is great, just how much better can the Real Thing be?
Parenting brings in a whole new dimension. This helpless child, who did nothing to win my affections through works of her own, who requires constant care and vigilance just to stay alive and who is utterly dependent on me for her every need and yet is entirely devoid of gratitude as if unaware of the huge debt she owes me, has nonetheless captured my heart. I love her as I never thought possible, and I want nothing less than to protect her from all ill. To that end I am willing to sacrifice my comfort, my convenience, my possessions, and, if it came down to it, my life for her. I know she will disappoint me. I know she will let me down. And yet, I know without a doubt that it will not shake my love for her and that I cannot, no matter what happens, ever stop loving her. When I think this through, and realise what an incredible gift God gives me in allowing me the ability to experience such depths of emotion, I want to cry, because it's exactly as if He's tapping me on the shoulder and pointing out, 'You see that? You know how much you love Jane? That's how much I love you. That's the way I feel toward you. That is exactly why I sent My Son to die for you...because I will never stop loving you, My child.' Wow. I still can't believe it.
1 comment:
Isn't God's love amazing!?! MJR went through a similar "aha!" when we were dating. He said he found it such WORK to love God; he felt he had to do this, and had to do that. But he realized that real love is when you just want to be with that other person, when you want to change the oil in their car, when you are willing to sacrifice and it seems pure joy. It changed the way he viewed God and his love for God became much more REAL. And having a child does bring it full circle. When I ask, "God, how can you love me?" I can look at my son and say, "oh, that's how." Thank you for your post. -rlr
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