In response to Alison’s query as to ‘How you working married ladies do it,’ I began to type up a comment. Then it got too cumbersome and rambling for the comments, so I decided to move the thought to a post of its own.
How do we do it? Well, Amy evidently relies on the crock-pot for those long days away from the home fires. (And yes, Amy, I’ve been wishing for the comment feature on your site for a long while!) The cooking isn’t usually a problem, since I’ve established a pretty good repertoire of quick, easy meals that can be made up in a hurry. This includes stove-top recipes (soup, mashed potatoes, spaghetti, beef stroganoff, actually anything with rice or noodles and sauce, etc.) and fairly basic casseroles. Fortunately I usually get home before Michael (5:15 v. 5:30-5:45), so I have a good head start. On weekends I do more leisurely recipes, such as roast chicken or chili (which requires soaking and simmering the beans a while). I’m still making large portions, so at least once or twice a week we have leftovers from earlier in the week. We are both very fortunate not to be picky about eating leftovers – as far as I’m concerned, if it’s good today it should be good tomorrow too, and as for Michael, if ever I get apologetic about serving him something too soon (I like to have at least two days lapse before re-introducing the same item), he is quick to remind me that before he got married, he had ramen every day for supper. I usually pack leftovers for my lunch – quick, easy, and cheap. Michael doesn’t always have a microwave on his job sites, so I make him a lunch of sandwiches, cookies, crackers, and a hard-boiled egg or fruit. I usually make his lunch in the evening while he reads to me. Hmm. This last paragraph reads rather like a chatty, tell-all feature in Good Housekeeping.
As far as housework, I’ve actually found that I’ve become a better housekeeper since I started working. During the first weeks of our marriage I fell into a very easygoing routine, where I slept very late every morning, gradually got up, spent some time online, walked down to the mailbox to see whether the mail had come, checked email again, wrote a few thank-you notes, and maybe around three got dinner started. Then I’d realise around 5:00 that I hadn’t run any laundry, or had forgotten to sweep the kitchen floor. Somehow having the whole day stretch before me was too daunting a prospect for me to actually buckle myself down to getting anything started. I’ve always worked best under deadlines and pressure. Now, I can come home from work, get dinner started, dump a load of laundry into the washer, and sweep the kitchen floor before Michael comes home. Getting something done while my energy is high is actually a stress reliever for me and gives me a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment, thus freeing me up to relax and enjoy the rest of my evening. (This is the complete opposite of Michael, who says that his method of relaxing after a long day is to actually relax, not to dash madly around the kitchen accomplishing things so he can daydream about relaxing in the near future.)
And as for shopping, I’ve simplified that substantially. There’s a cheap warehouse-type store about twenty minutes from home that I hit maybe once a month to stock up on the basics like flour, sugar, oatmeal, and chocolate chips. Then I just stop by the grocery store on my way home from work once or twice a week, depending on need. Our dairy needs fluctuate amazingly (surprisingly enough, in pretty close conjunction with the sales on milk).
Our lives are uncomplicated enough at this point to admit a great deal of flexibility. Although it’s still amazing to me how quickly the dust and dishes pile up with just the two of us, realistically – without toddlers spilling milk and cheerios on the floor on a daily basis – I have the freedom to let housework be a bit more of a haphazard proposition. For all that, working a full-time job is definitely more of a challenge when running a household. Some days the pace can feel exhausting, but I remember that this time has been given to us for a season, and I should savour it while I can. Some day my dream of quitting my job, sleeping in, and goofing off all day may come true, and how bored I’ll be then!
The main factor that allows this all to work is that Michael is very supportive of my working. For me, it’s not a matter of balancing work and home – my family life always comes first. I don’t work as late and tirelessly as I used to do when I was single, and in a sense I regret the fact that I feel like a less valuable employee, since I have less to give and can’t just effortlessly rise to the occasion when the occasion calls for it. But that’s why I chose to take a low-key job, where the pressure is not as high and I have the low stress that comes with a less glamourous job.
Well, there it is. As I said, rambling and cumbersome. I’d certainly be interested to hear how other working wives do/did it. Any ideas/thoughts/observations?
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3 comments:
Before being Ben's mom, I was a working wife. It was a cinch for three reasons: 1) My husband is very helpful. As long as he doesn't have to cook or do laundry, he will pitch in with clean-up, etc.... 2) When you're never home, the house doesn't get very dirty (when you stay at home, it needs cleaned 5 times as often)and; 3) Like Rose, I decided after marriage that the 60-hour work weeks were over and my employer would have to deal with 40 hours, no more. However, I was a working mom for a total of 7 weeks. That was a different story altogether. Talk about being stretched thin. I feel for the women who have to do that full-time.
Your approach sounds pretty much like the one I had before I was married when I was rooming with my sister and another girl. Except that my sister and I would have this proximity creativity problem, where we'd start out with something simple for dinner and then have bright ideas of one little touch that would improve it. The end result was a very late but magazine-worthy meal. With no other adult female around, though, I can keep my supper plans within reasonable bounds.
I actually use the crock-pot more now than I did then; that way supper is assured even if I run out of steam or the baby gets fractious.
I have from time to time had a little trouble with the not getting stuff done issue, but as I've been sick, pregnant, recently moved, had a newborn, or some combination thereof the entire time, I usually either have plenty to do and a good excuse not to do it. ;-) A big key for me is having a plan so that I do something specific every day. And a baby makes a lot of deadlines (Must get the bathrooms cleaned before she wakes up!) to keep things moving along.
I really like working from home part-time for DOB, too. Keeps me occupied and productive while adding very little stress.
Now I know where to go with any questions on housekeeping! :-) I always love hearing ideas for improvement. Like Rachelle, I feel for the working full time moms. Talk about stress!
You gals have a great point about working above and beyond 40 hours. I still resist the temptation to work just a little bit more at night. In my single days I used to practically live at the office. (How else can you combine half hearted working after hours with IMing with your sweetie? ;-P) I was so frustrated right after we got married with how little work I seemed to be getting done at the office and then I realized it was because I wasn't doing 60 hour weeks. (hello, duh!, you'd think I would have noticed this sooner)
On the topic of dinner, has anyone ever tried cooking and freezing meals for a week or more at a time? I recently got some books from the library on the topic because it sounded like a great way to eat better and spend less time cooking (even though I love to cook). I was all set to give one of the two week plans a whirl when we started remodeling our bathrooms. (Now getting toilets in is a higher priority!) Maybe when I've cleared the layer of plaster dust from the house I'll give it a try. Just curious if any of you had any experience with this kind of thing.
~Alison
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